Nonviolent Sociopaths Among Us
By Anna Steele LCSW
For over a year now I have facilitated a support group for adult children of emotionally unsafe parents. Many of the people who attend are parents themselves, and that is what led many of them to realize their own parents are unsafe. During both difficult and good moments with their own children they were reminded of memories when their parents were harmful and uncaring. This led me to realize that sociopathy is real, and that I need to come to terms with that.
As I have heard these stories of uncharacteristically unsafe parents, I have looked for explanations. Predictably, as a mental health professional I turned to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5 (DSM-5), the bible for mental health diagnoses. Personality disorders describe some of what I was hearing, but there was an element that no diagnoses fully described. Then I came across the books “Sociopath a Memoir” by Patric Gagne, PhD and “The Psychopath Inside” by James Fallon. James Fallon’s true story is particularly interesting. He was a well respected neuroscientist who professionally published numerous articles, including one where he identified the traits of a psychopath’s brain scan. After this research and publication he discovered his own brain scan had the traits of a psychopath. A genetics test, followed by the confirmation of his family and friends, confirmed he had the characteristics of a psychopath. He had no violent or criminal history, yet the evidence was undeniable, he was a psychopath.
The diagnoses of psychopath and sociopath have been taken out of the DSM 5, and currently there is no general consensus or criteria for it. Yet, the concept of sociopath/psychopath persists. I believe this is because this concept attempts to name a phenomenon that every now and then we see, and are horrified by. We want to name it and explain it, because it is too horrifying to turn away from and forget.
In listening to stories and researching I have identified four traits that, in my experience, describe the characteristics of sociopaths/psychopaths. These characteristics are restricted emotion, self absorption, deceitfulness, and maliciousness. The stories of James Fallon, Patric Gagne, and others demonstrate many sociopaths are not violent, but they all do share those four characteristics.
Restricted emotion means someone is only able to feel a few emotions, and therefore not all emotions. People who feel all emotions feel fear, love, guilt, grief, anger, disgust, jealousy, and more. Sociopaths and psychopaths can sometimes strongly feel certain emotions, but there are feelings that they say they have never felt, particularly love. The most severe psychopaths can only feel anger, disgust, and jealousy. James Fallon and Patric Gagne also describe feeling apathy, or the feeling of “I don’t care.”
All four traits are on a spectrum. Most people can identify a little bit with each trait, but most people are not sociopaths or psychopaths. Depending on what term you look up, the research says anywhere from 1% to 5% of people are sociopaths and/or psychopaths. This means 95% to 99% of people are not sociopaths or psychopaths: this also means there actually is a large number of people who are. One percent of 1 million people is 10,000 people. Most of us are not sociopaths/psychopaths, yet statistical probability would indicate that most of us have encountered a sociopath/psychopath at some time in our life. It’s quite uncomfortable if the sociopath/psychopath we encountered was a parent. Yes, there are many stories of nonviolent sociopaths being parents, including James Fallon and Patric Gagne.
All of this helps explain the horrifying stories I have heard. On one hand it’s helpful to have a term and explanation. On the other hand it can get quite unsettling and disturbing to have these realizations. In an attempt to find a helpful positive within these realizations, I have realized that knowing these four characteristics helps give me direction for myself. I believe that not being a sociopath is the direction I want to go in, and going in this direction will give me the joyful, fulfilling life I seek. Therefore, in order to not be a sociopath I want to learn to have all the emotions in a healthy and mature way. Additionally, I want to have empathy and understanding for others, I want to be honest, and I want to have kindness towards all.
To realize that there are nonviolent sociopaths among us is disturbing, and now with this knowledge of their characteristics, I know what kind of characteristics I want to surround myself with, and what characteristics I want to develop within myself. When I saw the news story of Nancy Guthrie I thought, “Psychopaths are real.” I believe psychopaths are real and sociopathy and psychopathy are real conditions. I believe knowing this and being clear about the characteristics of this condition helps me know how I want to build and live my life. Nonviolent sociopaths can be among us, and when I see this clearly, I know the direction to go in to build a life worth living.
Anna Steele LCSW
Vail Counseling PLLC
520-474-5574