I’m Not Too Sensitive, I’m Just Not a Sociopath
By Anna Steele LCSW
When I hear it said that someone is “too sensitive,” it shines a light on how much our culture has normalized sociopathic tendencies. A major trait of sociopathy is the inability to feel a full range of emotions, and to sometimes have a real sense of not caring. James Fallon gave a great description of this in his book “The Psychopath Inside.” He describes the moment he was presented with overwhelming evidence that he was a psychopath (brainscan evidence, genetic markers, and confirmation from family and friends). Instead of feeling alarmed and motivated to get help, the familiar feeling of “I don’t care” washed over him. He reports never getting treatment and making no real effort to change.
James Fallon does not come across as sensitive, and certainly not “too sensitive.” I can only imagine what I would be feeling if I was in this situation. I’m pretty sure that this would lead me to an existential crisis and on a journey of getting help. I don’t think this is an over reaction either. The fact that James Fallon can realize he is a psychopath and not care, is a clear example of the psychopathic/sociopathic trait of a lack of emotion.
I see American culture often idealizing lack of emotion, and thinking that it is a healthy, mature way to be. People often say things like, “don’t let that bother you,” or “you need to learn to just let it roll off your back.” I also often hear people discussing that if they could be non-emotional and solely logical then they would make better decisions. Someone who believes this might idealize Spock from Star Trek. Business models are another example of something that is cold and nonemotional. An ideal business is primarily focused on the bottom line and numbers. A “good” business person just wants the “cold hard facts.”
The main problem that I see with this approach is that it embraces sociopathic traits. It doesn’t seem to me that becoming sociopathic is healthy or mature. I have found that emotions are what have helped me find true peace; when I deny my emotions I become anxious and depressed. Embracing emotions does mean that I have had to learn how to be skillful with feelings like anger and guilt, but it has also led me to experience love, joy, genuine happiness, and more. It’s in embracing all of these emotions that I have found a true joy for life.
Being sensitive shows me the difference between a situation that is not okay and when things are amazing and wonderful. When I am connected to my emotions I understand that doing right by humanity is always more important than any bottom line or number. Feeling my emotions also lets me know how to care for and protect myself while still being a good human to others. I can’t come up with strictly logical guidelines that will guide a person through every difficulty and moral dilemma. In the end I have to listen to my heart to find answers that both care for me and those around me. Love, guilt, joy, happiness, and anger all guide me to fully provide for myself while still not being so selfish that I take from others.
As I understand sociopathy, I realize that I would rather learn how to navigate sensitivity and emotions than to try to be nonemotional. It does take work to learn how to be healthy and skillful with emotions, but I would rather risk being “too sensitive” than being a sociopath.
Anna Steele LCSW
Vail Counseling PLLC
520-474-5574